Saturday, March 13, 2010

The Man With Two Penises - Juan Baptista Dos Santos (NSFW)

Born in Portugal in 1843, Juan Baptista Dos Santos was born with two penises, three legs, and three scrotums. Probably most bizare is that everything worked- this wasn't some sort of mutant freak man with useless dangling appendages, but just a guy with a little extra of everything.
Well, that's not totally true. The leg didn't work- but it was so small and boneless that it could easily be concealed by strapping to one of his regular legs.
Everyone was far more interested in his multiplicity of male parts to pay any attention to that anyway.
What exactly Juan Baptista did with his life is not exactly clear. He refused to be a sideshow attraction- reportedly turning down several huge sums of money to appear in circuses around the world- but was very gracious with his time in medical circles and exhibiting himself to royalty and those with sufficient means.
The one photograph of him that remains was taken by a man named C. D. Fredericks, who wrote along with it :
"...the sight of a female is sufficient to excite his amorous propensities. He functionates with both of the penes, finishing with one, then continues with the other."
Here's the picture:
Strangely, Juan Baptista came of age and fame at the same time France was home to one Blanche Dumas, a courtesan with two vaginas. Everyone speculates that they had an affair when Baptista spent some time in Paris...I'd like to believe that happened.
I mean seriously, if you were either of them, how could you pass that up?
Probably the only two-person orgy in the history of the world.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Stop Smoking

I've started a new blog, http://youcanneversmokeagain.blogspot.com/, about how to stop smoking.
If you're trying to quit and having trouble, go there and read my story- maybe it'll help you quit, or at least, guide you to some methods that might work for you.
Here's the link.
And.
Here is the link about me.
And here is where I discuss how I quit, in detail.

Yep, that's it.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

The Soloist

It's fitting that 'The Soloist' is about a man with schizophrenia, because the film has some schizophrenic leanings of its own.
It doesn't know whether it wants to be a comedy with heart, or an art flick, or a gritty character drama, and instead of choosing settles on being a disjointed mess.
The film follows the chance meeting and gradual friendship of Steve Lopez, a Los Angeles Times columnist upon whose real-life book the film is based, and Nathaniel Anthony Ayers, a cello virtuoso whose schizophrenia led him to drop out of Juilliard and roam the streets of LA as a homeless musician.
Robert Downey Jr, in imminent danger of being typecast as the wounded, witty, down-on-his-luck hero (In this case, Lopez,) does a good job of anchoring the film, whether he’s being drenched in coyote urine or looking nervous and out of place on the mean streets of the ghetto. He adds a certain pathos and believability to scenes that, frankly, don’t deserve it.
The film, however truly shines when Downey and Jaime Foxx (portraying Nathaniel) are in the same frame. Foxx deserves an Oscar for his acting- he has one of the hardest performances of all time, and not because he’s playing someone with mental disorder, but because he has to show the full range of this disorder and still have the audience’s sympathy.
It’s no small feat when, towards the end of the film, he lapses into chilling, violent schizophrenic rage, and we’re still rooting for him, and if the filmmakers deserve any credit for anything in this movie, it’s for the simple fact that they didn’t whitewash or roll over the darker moments.
It’s a shame then, that so much of the movie is so poorly done. For the first 30 minutes or so, it feels like the actors lines aren’t even synching up to one another. An extended tracking shot that’s supposed to show the ‘busyness and intensity of a newspaper office’ is so poorly rehearsed and pointless I felt like I was watching a middle school play.
There are, in fact, a veritable mountain of pointless things in this movie. Side-characters who are introduced, named, and then cast aside, contributing nothing. Plot threads that seem to be pointing toward some future event only to be cast aside.
At one point, the mayor of LA decides to allot $50 million dollars to fight homelessness because of one of Lopez’s articles. Towards the end of the film, some cops bust in and haul a bunch of homeless people away as Lopez scours the streets for signs of his friend.
Is there a connection? Is this the mayor’s idea of a cleanup? Was there a riot? Did it just look good on film? We have no idea, and the film never explains itself. You get the sense that almost a full hour was cut from the movie- and nobody had the sense to pay attention to what they were cutting.
Still though, the film contains several bright little transcendent moments that showed it really had potential, and given what else is playing in theaters right now, you could really do a lot worse.

Friday, May 1, 2009

The Stranger's Sexy Survey

The Stranger's 2009 sex survey was put up a few days ago. It can be read in full here.
According to them:
The Stranger received 6,942 completed sex surveys—more than five times the sample size of the presidential polls in the New York Times. Which means our poll is more than five times more accurate than theirs. (Eat it, New York Times!)
It's a bit less interesting then last years was, but still contains some interesting information, such as...
  • More people from Belltown have had sex with a homeless person then from have people from other neighborhoods.
  • 4 times more people have been peed on then have had sex to Andersoon Cooper on CNN.
  • Most people agree that sexted is a completely retarded term.
  • More people'd invite Michella Obama then Barack Obama to an orgy barely.
  • 10% of people would invite Hilary Clinton. Uck.